The MESSAGE

The real purpose of this blog is to expose myself to the world while I come to terms with my fear of spontaneous combustion.




spontaneous combustion can happen anytime, to anybody who doesn't believe.


Why would I spontaneously combust, you ask?


The reasons are endless.


For example:


-You put on your sweatshirt, made in China.
-You forgot to say goodbye to your friend before you left the country.
-You didn't empty the bin.
-You thought about one particular vagina/penis too much
-You didn't say grace.
-You did say grace, to a false idol.
-You didn't pick the hair out of your tub.
-You don't have health insurance.
-You hate your boss enough.
-You work at amadeus hostel in berlin
-You think your boss is a tragic anti-villain.
-You want to die.
-You drink too much
-You go to church too much.
-You haven't called your grandma.
-You haven't called your grandpa.
-Your grandparents are dead.
-Your tv is on.
-Someone you used to know and never thought twice about is on that tv.
-You played flashlight tag once in 5th grade, and it was too much fun to understand the rules.
-You have a crush on someone, no two people, no four people, overseas.
-You think you can wake up tomorrow morning.
-You like looking in the mirror.
-You like emailing.


What happens?


You burst into flames. You die - but you don't damage anything else other than the chair you're sitting in.


Why is that the way to go?


Because no one will see it happen, and someone will reenact your death on the discovery channel, the way the imagined it to have happened.


Why not leave it up to a bacteria or cancer?


Personally?


Personally


Because you can't go to a doctor


What's the problem with doctors?


They know too much, I love them.


I LOVE DOCTORS!


Is it your dream in life to combust?


No, it is my dream in life to marry a doctor.


So then why this fascination with spontaneous combustion?


It is the last way out that the discovery channel (led by doctors DUH) can't solve. They can't even solve IT.


And IT could happen anytime?


IT could happen anytime you mock it.














Sincerely,
john waters


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